Emotional Outburst

I have debated with myself whether to write to about it or not, will the pain lessen or will it rekindle back the fires of anger I felt.....

I was stunned literally last Thursday when friends started sending me text messages and called me on my mobile regarding comments about me in our Noyps website. I can’t understand the venom, the hate emanating from the 3 comments posted there. I am not an emotional Pollyanna, but even the cynical Me was surprised by how I was perceived by some people.

Just an example…..
Iha.... ang power pag masyadong pumasok sa ulo nakakasira ng pagkatao...
masdan ang ginawa nyo, nasaktan umiyak at ngaun magtatago pa. pero babalik din pala,para kayong mga bata.

I’m known for having a fiery temper, quick with verbal clashes, and generally someone you avoid when you are the focus of my wrath. I wanted to vent my anger that day, shout at someone, and immediately retaliate in the site. But as I have said in the site, “we have to respect the people reading the messages in the site”, truthfully I cannot barely rein myself in but I have to respect the other people in the society (esp Kuya Boy). I was bursting!

Instead of fighting back (thank you Gands!), I decided to just retreat for awhile. I started to make a joke of it and just got ridiculed by the same group of people. My anger was really boundless that time but I kept quiet, I even surprised myself at my self control. It is a sign of maturity, I think. Before, it was always “gaganti ako”.

I hope the pain will lessen and the memory of it fades in time…… although I don’t think I can ever continue with the same enthusiasm I had before…. I still have a couple of months (I promised till October) before I officially can call it quits --- word of honor, u know. I realized my best intentions can sometimes be interpreted badly. It’s not that I’m letting them win. But why do I have to fight with them in the first place? I don’t want to expose myself to more emotional letdowns and traumas.

I am a simple and private person. I love what I am doing. But I simply cannot let other people trivialize my emotions, tear my character apart, and be openly ridiculed. I want to keep my privacy…… and my sanity…….